God is for idiots - Jim Jefferies (by FlyingFree333)
Hubert Selby Jr is writing my nightmares from beyond the grave!
So here’s the awful nightmare I had:
I’m in a Wal-Mart. For some reason, there are Transformers DVDs everywhere. Michael Bay’s Transformers flick are the only selection. A man enters the aisle and, for a moment, studies the selection. He turns to me and says, “We need to talk about this Transformers thing.”
“What?” I say, confused.
“You know what I’m fucking talking about.”
CUT TO:
My parent’s house. I don’t know why I’m there, but a family friend is there. He’s giving me some sort of advice about life and living well, and I’m taking his advice to heart. My dad, meanwhile, is talking on the phone to his business partner. So I’m talking to this family friend, and he points to a car….
The car - dark gray, with a “Verizon Wireless” logo splashed across the driver’s side door - coasts slowly. It’s not a long road, and we’re alarmed.
And then the car pulls into the driveway.
My dad and his friend go for their guns, which aren’t there.
CUT TO:
I’m running. The ground is wet. A figure is in the distance, and it’s moving swiftly. “Ah, Christ!” I mutter as I recognize the figure as my brother. (I can pull focus in dreams!) In the midst of horrible panic, he slips and falls into wet grass. He’s crying. I don’t even have the time to ask what’s happened before he says, “He shot Mom! He shot Mom!”
FUCK…
WHERE AM I…
WHERE’S THE HOSPITAL…
End nightmare.
Good job, brain! Way to fuck me up!
NEW AND IN STOCK NOW: HENRY & GLENN FOREVER & EVER #2 — The follow-up to our favorite mini-comic of 2011, HENRY & GLENN, is now in stock and available with two totally rad covers.
Here’s the Crystar the Crystal Warrior homage cover (which is where ol’ Danzig got his infamous horned Skull logo from in the first place!)
Henry Rollins and Glenn Danzig as a bickering couple. Their neighbors? Hall and Oates — as heavy duty Satan worshippers!
We love it! Get your copy this weekend at Third Eye!
The Dead Authors Podcast, with Jason Mantzoukas as Plato, seen here wearing a toga, the white shirt of his ancestors.
Thanks for the heads up and wardrobe observation Rachel!
God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs.
Dinosaurs eat man… woman inherits the earth.Jurassic Park illustration by Brandon James Scott :: via blog.brandonjamesscott.com
An employee training video showing showing retail workers how to deal with customers with defective Nintendo products.
The guy with the Game Boy is hilarious.
…and it doubles as a goddamned sales pitch for that bullshit cleaning cartridge. Wonderful.
